A Guide to Narcissists and how to deal with them

Narcissism is a personality trait characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. People with narcissistic tendencies often pursue their own goals at the expense of others and have an exaggerated sense of entitlement. They may manipulate and exploit others to get what they want and may struggle to form genuine relationships. While everyone exhibits some narcissistic traits at times, extreme levels of narcissism can lead to significant problems in personal and professional relationships. In this article, we will explore the signs and symptoms of narcissism, the causes of narcissistic behavior, and strategies for dealing with narcissistic individuals.

The types of Narcissists

There are several different types of narcissists, each with their own unique characteristics and behaviors. Here are some common types of narcissists:

1. Grandiose narcissists: These individuals have an inflated sense of self-importance and a grandiose view of themselves. They may boast about their accomplishments and expect others to admire them. They may also be prone to rage when their ego is threatened.
2. Vulnerable narcissists: These individuals have a fragile sense of self-worth and may feel threatened by criticism or rejection. They may try to gain attention and admiration through manipulation or by playing the victim.
3. High-functioning narcissists: These individuals are able to maintain their narcissistic behaviors while still functioning well in society. They may be successful in their careers and have a facade of confidence, but may struggle to maintain close relationships due to their lack of empathy.
4. Malignant narcissists: These individuals are the most dangerous type of narcissist as they have a complete lack of empathy and are capable of manipulating and exploiting others for their own gain. They may engage in abusive behaviors and may even have psychopathic tendencies.

It is important to note that these categories are not mutually exclusive and an individual may exhibit traits from multiple types of narcissism.

Common Traits Among Narcissists

Here are some common terms used to describe narcissistic behaviors and traits:

1. Grandiosity: An inflated sense of self-importance and a belief that one is superior to others.
2. Entitlement: A belief that one is deserving of special treatment and privileges.
3. Lack of empathy: An inability to understand and share the feelings of others.
4. Self-absorption: A focus on one's own needs and desires to the exclusion of others.
5. Exploitation: A willingness to use and manipulate others for personal gain.
6. Manipulation: Using devious or cunning tactics to get what one wants.
7. Control: A need to control others and situations to feel powerful.
8. Arrogance: A sense of superiority and disdain for others.
9. Insensitivity: A lack of concern for the feelings or needs of others.
10. Selfishness: A focus on one's own needs and desires at the expense of others.

Common Tactics a Narcissist May Use

Narcissists often use a range of tactics to manipulate and exploit others for their own gain. Here are some common tactics that narcissists may use:

1. Charm: Narcissists may use charm to win over others and get what they want. They may be skilled at making others feel special and important.
2. Gaslighting: Narcissists may use gaslighting to manipulate and deceive others. They may deny the truth or manipulate facts in order to make others question their own memories and perceptions.
3. Projection: Narcissists may project their own flaws and shortcomings onto others in order to deflect blame and avoid accountability.
4. Triangulation: Narcissists may involve a third party in a conflict in order to create division and confusion.
5. Silent treatment: Narcissists may use the silent treatment as a form of punishment or control. They may withhold affection or communication in order to manipulate the behavior of others.
6. Manipulative language: Narcissists may use language to manipulate and deceive others. They may use vague or ambiguous statements, or make false promises in order to get what they want.
7. Guilt trips: Narcissists may use guilt to manipulate others into doing what they want. They may make others feel responsible for their own happiness or well-being.
8. Playing the victim: Narcissists may play the victim in order to gain sympathy and attention from others. They may exaggerate their own struggles or hardships in order to manipulate others.
9. Sabotaging relationships: Narcissists may intentionally create conflicts or undermine relationships in order to assert control and maintain their own power.
10. Love bombing: Narcissists may use excessive attention and flattery in the early stages of a relationship in order to win over and manipulate their partner.

What is a Narcissistic Injury?

A narcissistic injury is a perceived threat to a narcissist's self-esteem or self-worth. Narcissists have a fragile ego and are highly sensitive to criticism or rejection. A narcissistic injury can be triggered by a variety of events, including a perceived slight or criticism, a challenge to their authority or competence, or a failure to meet their expectations.

When a narcissist experiences a narcissistic injury, they may react with anger, rage, or aggression. They may also engage in behaviors such as devaluation, where they attempt to diminish the perceived source of the injury in order to rebuild their own ego. Narcissistic injuries can have a significant impact on the narcissist's relationships and can lead to a cycle of conflict and manipulation.

The Narcissistic Cycle

The cycle of a narcissistic relationship is often characterized by periods of intense adoration and admiration, followed by devaluation and rejection.

During the "love bombing" phase, the narcissist will shower their partner with attention, gifts, and affection in order to win them over and secure their commitment. The partner may feel like they have found their perfect match and may be blinded by the narcissist's charms.

However, as the relationship progresses, the narcissist may begin to exhibit controlling and abusive behaviors. They may criticize their partner, belittle their accomplishments, and engage in manipulation and exploitation. The partner may feel confused and uncertain, and may struggle to maintain their own sense of self-worth.

The narcissist may then withdraw their attention and affection, leading to a period of devaluation. The partner may feel rejected and abandoned, and may try to win back the narcissist's approval.

This cycle may repeat itself over and over, with the partner constantly striving for the narcissist's approval and the narcissist alternating between adoration and devaluation. The constant emotional turmoil can be damaging to the partner's mental health and can lead to feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth.

Dealing With a Narcissist or Narcissistic Behaviour

Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, as they are often resistant to change and may not be aware of the negative impact of their behaviors on others. Here are some strategies for dealing with a narcissist:

1. Set boundaries: It is important to establish and maintain healthy boundaries with a narcissist. This may involve setting limits on how much time you spend with them, or setting limits on their behavior.
2. Communicate assertively: Narcissists may try to manipulate or control others through communication. It is important to communicate clearly and directly with a narcissist, and to assert your own needs and boundaries.
3. Seek support: It can be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist when dealing with a narcissist. It is important to have a support system to help you cope with the challenges of the relationship.
4. Avoid engaging in arguments: Narcissists may enjoy engaging in arguments and may try to draw you into a confrontation. It is important to avoid getting drawn into these types of arguments, as they are unlikely to be productive.
5. Take care of yourself: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. It is important to prioritize your own well-being and to make time for self-care.
6. Seek help if needed: If you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship with a narcissist, it may be necessary to seek help from a domestic violence hotline or to seek legal protection. It is important to prioritize your own safety and well-being.

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

Healing from a relationship with a narcissist can be a difficult and challenging process. Here are some steps that may be helpful in healing from a narcissistic relationship:

1. Seek support: It can be helpful to talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your experiences. It is important to have a supportive network of people who can offer emotional and practical support.
2. Practice self-care: It is important to prioritize your own well-being after a narcissistic relationship. This may involve engaging in activities that nourish your body and mind, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
3. Set boundaries: It is important to establish and maintain healthy boundaries with yourself and others. This may involve setting limits on how much time you spend with certain people or setting limits on your own behaviors.
4. Practice self-compassion: It is common to feel self-blame or guilt after a narcissistic relationship. It is important to practice self-compassion and to remind yourself that you are not responsible for the actions of the narcissist.
5. Seek professional help: If you are struggling to cope with the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship, it may be helpful to seek professional therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences and develop healthy coping strategies.
6. Take time to heal: It is important to allow yourself time to heal and to go at your own pace. It is a process and it is okay to take the time you need.